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Parenting
by Michelle Donahue Hillison on July 1, 2008
Our daughter was adopted and that is something that we are happy to share about with people. However one of the things we are usually struck by when talking about it is that the language used by some people is outdated. With the push for open adoptions and the waves of international adoptions, adoption is in the public eye more than ever.
I certainly don't expect everyone to be adoption-savvy but there are some changes in how people speak about adoption that try to reflect more respect for the entire triad of people involved in adoption. It is important to understand that ethical adoptions aren't done in the shadows but with honesty and knowledge. Parents who decide to place their children for adoption are making a plan for their children, not throwing them away.
Part of changing how people react to adoption is changing how they speak about it. Take a second and check out this article on Positive Adoption Language by Adoptive Families.
I certainly don't expect everyone to be adoption-savvy but there are some changes in how people speak about adoption that try to reflect more respect for the entire triad of people involved in adoption. It is important to understand that ethical adoptions aren't done in the shadows but with honesty and knowledge. Parents who decide to place their children for adoption are making a plan for their children, not throwing them away.
Part of changing how people react to adoption is changing how they speak about it. Take a second and check out this article on Positive Adoption Language by Adoptive Families.
Permalink: Adoption language
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Vote for Adoption language:
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Rating: 9.67 out of 3 vote(s) cast.
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Response from:
Laura Fischer
(07/01/08 5:58am)
Response from:
AdoptiveDad
(07/01/08 2:47pm)
My wife and I have never been for an open adoption for our son... in fact we've quietly discouraged any attempts to find out about his birth parents. We're just afraid that he'll love his birth parents more than he loves us. I know it's silly... but it's a definite fear we have.
Response from:
Andrew Link
(07/01/08 4:26pm)
I think that adoption is the question of each family personally. Some people can do this, some not.
Response from:
Mirah Riben
(07/01/08 8:43pm)
Adoption language is ever-changing, as are patterns and policies in adoption. Even the link is already outdated. Many of us touched by adoption believe that putting a "positive" spin to make adoption a fairy tale win-win and please the one "paying cutsomer' in the lopsided "triad" is the correct way to go.
We prefer HONEST and TRUTHFUL language.
I strongly suggest checking out:
http://www.originsusa.memberlodge.org/Default.aspx?pageId=51986
http://www.originsusa.memberlodge.org/Default.aspx?pageId=134953
We prefer HONEST and TRUTHFUL language.
I strongly suggest checking out:
http://www.originsusa.memberlodge.org/Default.aspx?pageId=51986
http://www.originsusa.memberlodge.org/Default.aspx?pageId=134953
Response from:
ChristisKing
(07/02/08 2:42pm)
Adoption tears children from their rightful biological parents. All of this just makes me shudder.
Response from:
Mirah Riben
(07/02/08 11:41pm)
Yes Christis, it does. You will find support and other like minded folk at Origins-USA.org.
Response from:
Mirah Riben
(07/02/08 11:45pm)
How very sad - and selfish of you! I pray you get some counseling for your unwarranted insecurities. Unless you have abused your child, he will love those who were there for him and raised him, wiped his tears, supported him. The most he'd ever feel for his fmaily of origins is the way you feel about relatives: aunts, unless, grandparents. Does your love for those people of your wife detract form you love for YOUR parents!?
I will tell you this, your son will have good reason to like ANYONE better than you if he finds out you intentionally kept him from knowing his truth.
Family secrets are hurtful.You are doing your son a tremendous DISSERVICE!
I will tell you this, your son will have good reason to like ANYONE better than you if he finds out you intentionally kept him from knowing his truth.
Family secrets are hurtful.You are doing your son a tremendous DISSERVICE!
Response from:
Mirah Riben
(07/03/08 12:25am)
Previous message for "Adoptive Dad"
Response from:
AdoptiveDad
(07/03/08 2:45pm)
Mirah, I don't believe we're necessarily being selfish. It's just something we haven't worked out yet. Would you rather we plunge into an open adoption when we're not ready? I think that would be the disservice.
Response from:
gravy059
(07/07/08 11:36pm)
The de-humanizing of adoption.
N.J.S.A. 3:3-39 1[b] Sadly this is just one more law applied head-on to circumvent any form of the humanities from interfacing with the fabric of adoption integrity. As for a growing list of facilitators to allow such would not be conducive to business growth. This is for the reason that invaribily the marketing of newborn children does not effect well when moral accountability rears its ugly head. This law assures that this is not the case
This is a statute that gives an adoption attorney legal clearance to steal. The tragedy of this, is that we allow it to happen.This statute is just too much temptation for an attorney, and it will continue to result the unrecognized wrongful adoption. As a whole even the recognized casee our society non-arbitralily accepts. Sheepishly, we are yet to realize that slowly each of us are singuraly homogenized by these de-humanizing laws that are set in place. We become so glaazed from the truth that when it hits us square in the face we are conditioned not to wince publicly with reproof. Very few understand that we are the enablers of wrongful adoption through our passive reaction to passed legislation with hidden agenda.
N.J.S.A. 3:3-39 1[b] Sadly this is just one more law applied head-on to circumvent any form of the humanities from interfacing with the fabric of adoption integrity. As for a growing list of facilitators to allow such would not be conducive to business growth. This is for the reason that invaribily the marketing of newborn children does not effect well when moral accountability rears its ugly head. This law assures that this is not the case
This is a statute that gives an adoption attorney legal clearance to steal. The tragedy of this, is that we allow it to happen.This statute is just too much temptation for an attorney, and it will continue to result the unrecognized wrongful adoption. As a whole even the recognized casee our society non-arbitralily accepts. Sheepishly, we are yet to realize that slowly each of us are singuraly homogenized by these de-humanizing laws that are set in place. We become so glaazed from the truth that when it hits us square in the face we are conditioned not to wince publicly with reproof. Very few understand that we are the enablers of wrongful adoption through our passive reaction to passed legislation with hidden agenda.
Response from:
Mirah Riben
(07/08/08 3:20am)
Response from: AdoptiveDad
Mirah, I don't believe we're necessarily being selfish. It's just something we haven't worked out yet. Would you rather we plunge into an open adoption when we're not ready? I think that would be the disservice.
Call me nuts...but you should have thought of all of this before you "jumped into" adoption. No??
Mirah, I don't believe we're necessarily being selfish. It's just something we haven't worked out yet. Would you rather we plunge into an open adoption when we're not ready? I think that would be the disservice.
Call me nuts...but you should have thought of all of this before you "jumped into" adoption. No??
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Hello everyone. I myself was adopted years ago in the 1980's. My thought of adoption was the same way as the statement of being abandoning their children. Over the time being, my views about adoption have changed. Please do not get me wrong, that some of us adoptees still have an empty heart or space of know our biological parents. Whoever agree please respond to my message. The best way to deal with our feelings of our ancestors are to search our routes of where we wre born, state, or country.
Take Care,
Lonely: Laura