So often when sitting around with friends talking about parenting and our kids, we end up back to the discussion of discipline.

I would not presume to tell anyone how to parent but I wish I had a pocket sized version of our favorite books to pass out to frustrated parents. Parenting with Love & Logic is by far the most practical and understandable parenting book I've ever read.

"Love and Logic is a philosophy of raising and teaching children which allows adults to be happier, empowered, and more skilled in the interactions with children. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. Love and Logic is a way of working with children that puts parents and teachers back in control, teaches children to be responsible, and prepares young people to live in the real world, with its many choices and consequences.

Love and Logic offers adults an alternative way to communicate with children. The Love and Logic techniques produce immediate results because the techniques are simple, practical, and easy to learn. The concepts behind Love and Logic place a heavy emphasis on respect and dignity for children and at the same time allows parents to grasp simple approaches instead of learning difficult counseling procedures."

One of the ideas I love most is that it is better for kids to learn from a mistake at eight than eighteen. Learning real consequences, not just parent created ones, early on when the stakes aren't so high is a great idea.

I used to bug my daughter about small things all the time but L&L gave me a real wake up call which was that was old enough to manage many tasks on her own.

For example, in the past I would harrange my daughter about soccer stuff forever and then end up picking it all up myself. Now my daughter knows clearly that her soccer gear is her problem. I will not pick it up all over the house. She has a bag, she knows how to pack it and she knows the rule is that all gear goes in when it comes off unless it needs to be washed. Well she didn't bother to pack it all up one day and she got to practice and a shoe was missing.

In the past I would have gotten so angry but by staying calm, I let her come to terms with she was going to miss practice and might miss important info about the games coming up. She was so upset but because I stayed calm, it was herself that she was upset with over it.

She doesn't want to wear a coat outside? Fine, I won't make her because if she really needs it, she'll come back for it - having understood it is her responsibility. My responsibility is that she has a coat, it is clean, it fits and suits the weather.

I no longer look for lost shoes or missing books. I no longer try to bail my child out if she screws up. I will not buy multiples of items I know she will end up losing - she can take care of them or buy new ones herself. I want her to learn these lessons now when they are less painful.

I even let her go to the dentist today and get a bad checkup. I can tell her to brush her teeth every night and every morning but if she won't, let her have another appointment like today with a mad hygienist and painful gums. I tell you what - that kid brushed the heck out of her teeth tonight!

I'm not an OGRE of course - she's 10 after all. I'll help out if she's working really hard and would appreciate some help. There are age appropriate things she still needs help with.

This path isn't for everyone but if you need some help or you feel like your child has some behaviors you don't like, check out Parenting with Love & Logic.