© nicolevity

There comes a time in each family when you have to decide how many children you want - or even if you want children. Of course there are always 'oops' babies but for the most part, we all make a choice when we decide to be on some type of birth control. Even if you are just waiting to see what happens, you are still open to having another child.

A friend of mine had a visit from an old friend recently. My friend and her husband are the type of parents who manages their lives well and have made thoughtful plans for their child. Her visiting friend was unconcerned to have three children that seemed to be raising themselves, foraging through kitchens for the highest sugar content they could find and wiping their mess on everything. Unfortunately, my friend has to get involved to keep her house, her car and her child unscathed.

On the other side, I have a friend who has four children. Her house is noisy at times and always hectic. But she's usually is in a good mood and enjoys her brood. Her husband is a laid back kind of dad. They juggle schedules, chores and money around a lot but their kids are happy and well behaved.

Some people find my thoughts on this harsh but I don't think people put enough time into considering how many children they can really take care of well. I'm not telling anyone how to raise their children but at least raise them with care and concern. Children need a framework to work in, boundaries and help getting along. They do not raise themselves, they do not raise each other - or at least they shouldn't be.

Couples need to think clearly about how what lifestyle they want to live, financial concerns, life goals and most of all, what temperament do they really possess. I've heard some people decide how many children to have based on their dreams of youth or the idea of birth order, etc. That's something to think about but the real planning needs to be about the parents and their skills.

I have seen people who would have been great parents with just one child but are lousy parents to more than one. I know couples who could have as many as possible and deal well. But most often I am observant of people who should have stopped earlier or not had children at all. More children don't solve marriage problems but they can create more problems for people who are poorly equipped to handle them.

My husband is a quiet fellow who has to have time and space to decompress. I've always known I wanted to be working outside of managing my home and children. I don't really like housework much and managing a large household would not be something I'd enjoy. Plus my husband and I can both honest that we do not possess those warm loving natures to parent a pile of kids.

One child was a good fit for our family - and we are good parents to one child. I don't think we'd be as good of parents with more than one child. Maybe we are selfish but at least we know we are selfish. So we made the conscious choice to only have one.